THIS JUST IN…

We frankly don’t have any idea who sent the following email transcript,
could just be the hemerrhoidal rantings of a disgruntled mentally-ill wannabe
for all we know, so we decided to rush into print immediatly. Enjoy!

Hello Miss P,

You don’t know me, but rest assured, I’m a pretty big deal in the
blogosphere, being the guy with the theory that Karen Eliot & Monty
Cantsin hoaxed their own deaths for selfish, probably criminal reasons,
and were likely in cahoots with other odious deviant art-fags.

Oh yeah, some whiny sob-sisters would object that this is insensitive,
intrusive, and generally in bad taste, but what care I for the feeble emotions
of friends & family? I WANT SOME ANSWERS AND I WANT ‘EM NOW AND
I’M NOT GONNA LET SOME PRETENTIOUS ART-DYKES STAND BETWEEN
ME AND THE TRUTH!

Question 1: Are you a member of the Finders, and how many Guatamalen
babies have you sacrificed in nefarious blood rituals?

Question 2: Are you member of the Church of Scientology, and did you wear
underwear under those hot-pants when you were a 14 year-old leader of
the Messenger Corps, and did you ever have sex with Xenu?

I demand proof!!

Preferably visual proof on hi-def digital format, and don’t try to weasel out
of this one dearie, unless I receive an immediate and satisfying reply to this
email, I might just write something really bad about you.

So listen up girlie–and you can spare me the denials–I’ve heard all that crap
before. I know full well that if you’re a Scientologist you’ll flat-out deny it, so
save your breath tootsie, I’VE GOT A LIST!

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